60 Questions You Aren’t Used To.

Hey, long time no see, right? I guess it’s two months. I saw this thread on Instagram/Tumblr. 64 questions you aren’t used to. I cut it down to 60. Credits to – Fueledbyjyler. All the questions are made by him/her. I saw them on Instagram and found them very interesting. Credits to him/her.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Ans. No.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?


3. The person you’d never want to meet.

Ans.A group of friends. Even glimpses of them give me major anxiety. I’ve run back home, being out of breathe but I didn’t stop. I saw one of them crossing me, even though rhe person didn’t notice me.

4. What is your favourite word?

Ans. Moist. Moist. Moist. Moist.

5. If you’d be a tree, which tree would you like to be?

Ans. Eucalyptus or a cactus. Either.

6. When you looked into the mirror this morning, what was the first thing you thought?

Ans. Aahh, I’ll have to shave. I’m so sleepy. Oh, a new pimple, that’s unexpected.

7. Which shirt are you wearing?

Ans. A dark blue polo shirt thingy.

8. What do you label yourself as?

Ans. Blunt, shy, introverted, straight forward, detached yet emotional. A collection of ironies.

9. What were you doing at midnight
last night?

Ans. I was writing stuff, which I might release in near future, having my meds and doing relaxation exercises.

10. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
Ans. 16. I mean, I turned 17 just 3 weeks ago. The last year, when I was 16, has been an emotional ride, but it made me a good person altogether.

11. Who told you they loved you last?

Ans. My best friend. Hahaha, yes.

12. Your worst enemy?

Ans. Me, when I get pissed or angry. I turn into my destructive mode. Destroying everyone, even myself. I don’t like it, but I cannot help it. But hey, I’m working on it okay?

13. What is your current phone wallpaper?

Ans. A picture of my best friend and me, so that I feel motivated and don’t kill myself. Literally.

14. Do you like someone?


15. The last song you listened to?

Ans. Homesick, Dua Lipa.

16. You can press a button that Will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Ans. Honestly, a lot of people around me. But specifically bullies who haven’t realise the effect their words and actions have on others lives.

17. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Ans. A huge part of my past, my exes. Despite of giving them a lot of credits for making me the person I am today, I’d still punch them in their faces.

18. lf anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Ans. I don’t know is that legal lmao. But yeah honestly, no one. I like to have control over 100/100 things i do.

19. What is your best physical attribute?

Ans. Jawline. I hope. People tell me it is.

20. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Ans. I’d feel my boobs and fondle with them. Masturbate and stuff. I’d look very similar I guess I don’t know.

21. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Ans. Nothing specific. Mostly oceans, seas and pools. Huge water bodies and their… watery saline smell. Not hydrophobic.

22. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Ans. I’m 17, i don’t drink.

23. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Ans. Don’t be a cunt. Live and let live. Don’t interfere into other people’s lives.

24. What is your favorite expletive?

Ans. Fuck.

25. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

Ans. My plants lmao. They’re inanimate but living, i guess that counts.

26. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Ans. Tbh I very firmly believe that all of the experiences have contributed towards a good life and better handling capacity? I guess.

27. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Where would you go?

Ans. Japan or Brighton.

28. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world Who will you bring back?

Ans.No one. What’s gone is gone. I’ll try my best to not bring anyone back to life.

29. What was your last dream about?

Ans. It was a dream where I put law suits on the girls who keep messing with me.

30. Are you good listener ?

Ans. Not exactly. Depends on the person speaking.

31. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Ans. Nope. Thank god lmao.

32. Have you ever built a snowman?

Ans. I wish i could. I’ve never seen snow.

33. What is the color of your socks?

Ans. Grey.

34. What type of music do you like?

Ans. I don’t know nothing specific.

35. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Ans. Sunrises.

36. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Ans. I’m lactose intolerant.

37. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Ans. Not a fan of football.

38. Do you have any scars?

Ans. Like physically? Yes 3.

39. What do you want to be when you graduate?

Ans. Happy with my degree and satisfied.

40. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Ans.Anger management maybe.

41. Are you reliable?

Ans.Yes. If you trust me, I am.

42. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Ans. Are you doing what you thought of doing when you were 17.

43. Do you hold grudges?


44. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

Ans.A flying rabbit. Which flies with it ears of course.

45. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Ans. Explaining a girl how dicks and boners work.

46. Are you a good liar?

Ans. Depends on the person.

47. How long could you go without talking?

Ans. Days.

48. What has been you worst haircut/style?

Ans. The bowl cut thingy.

49. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Ans. No.

50. Can you do any accents other than your own?


51. What do you like on your toast?

Ans. Honey.

52.What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Ans. I guess my best friend.

53. What would be you dream car?

Ans.I get motion sick. So, no dream car.

54. Do you sing in the shower?

Ans. Yes.

55. Do anything unusual in the shower?

Ans.Use my phone.

56. Do you believe in aliens?

Ans.Yes. Very much.

57. Do you often read your horoscope?

Ans.If they pop up on Instagram, yes.

58. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?


59. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Ans.Dragons ftw.

60. What do you think about babies?

Ans.Annoying and won’t have any.

I’d like to hear from you,





Random // A Vacation.

I’m writing this blog at 12:42AM. I’m 17. Never in my life have a gone for a vacation. Trust me when i say this. I just haven’t. My friends and people around me, go to vacations and places every summer or whatever. I have never gone to a vacation. I feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable in my own house, in my own city. I have reached this level of saturation now. I desperately want to go out. I can’t take it anymore. I want to relax. I want a change. I cry while i write this but i just can’t anymore. I’m bored of my life. Im done with it. I don’t have grandparents i can visit to. I don’t have any native place. My life revolves around my house. This is the last vacation I’ll get in my life, a 4 month long vacation and i want to go on a vacation. Somewhere. Please take me out of this box I’ve been living in. Its a chaos, its a mess. I feel claustrophobic. I have never gone for a vacation and i don’t know if my personal life will support this as well. I’m just stuck. There’s a part of me that wants to go. But a part of me that’s scared to explore and experience. Full of “what if’s”. Paranoid. I want to get out but i can’t . I don’t know what do i do. I can’t hold on any further.

How to battle anxiety, 101.

Hey, I’m not an expert, but this is what helped me. My best friend always says, trying is good, this, was me trying and succeeding. I don’t know when my anxiety could relapse, with what intensity. But I know what to do exactly. After a month of self introspection, I finally know, how I brought my anxiety in control.

Keep track of everything that happens in the day. Keep a record. Write down memos and notes. Combine them into one book. Make anxiety metres everyday. Plan your day in detail. Have 200% control over the day, every minute, every second, according to you. Don’t be harsh, half and hour here and there is alright, but keep things in your hands. Things going out of hand may trigger your anxiety. Pickup a hobby, a pastime. No, not a kids thing. Grow plants, take care of plants. Adopt a pet, buy fishes, feed them. Take up a small, everyday responsibility which won’t interfere with your job, won’t take a lot of effort and time, just a few minutes in the day. Take hour long warm water showers. Sing in the shower as loudly as you can, have mini concerts. Go sit outside, feel the sun rays. Dry your hair in the sun while listening to music in the balcony. Don’t get into arguments. Do not fight. Verbally, mentally, even on your phone. Cut down from social media, trust me it helps. Learn new things, learn to make soup, learn to make rice, learn to make noodles. Learn from your experiences. Read a book whenever you’re travelling. Don’t be on your phone. Read a non fictional, inspiring autobiographical book. Groom yourself, not in the spa, splash water on your face quite often, brush your teeth before sleeping, clean your nails, cut them, get regular haircuts. Have salads with every meal, a cucumber with some salt goes a long way. Have fruits over chips. Listen to good songs. Upbeat, happy songs. Talk to yourself. Ask yourself about the decisions you will make. Start exercising. Don’t hit the gym, start with spot jogging and pull-ups. Stop your caffeine intake. No coffee. No coke. No cold drinks. Nothing with caffeine with it. Invest time in yourself, yet keep yourself busy. Take care of your body, the only person who needs it, is you.

Hey, and, cry. Crying is good. If you feel like crying. Cry.

I’d like to hear from you,


Random // Anxiety.

imagine drowning
in the deep waters
swimming constantly
suffocating and surviving
here comes the wave
a big one
drowns you
leaves you breathless
you try to swim
towards the light
fight or flight
not very easy
you choose to stay
make it worse
lifeless soul in a body
surfacing through the waters
is my anxiety

Random // Putting down your weapons.

Are there days when you want to let everything out to your parents, but then realise how broken they’d be seeing your condition. You cry behind their backs, in your room, under your blanket, when you hear them talking shit about you and hitting your insecurities. How do I tell them that they’re the ones who gave me them. You blame them for your menttal health, low self esteem and we’ll social life to an extent. How do you explain to them, that chatting with your only friend lowers down your anxiety and is the only way out? How they’d never support your dreams but still expect you to share every single of them, only if you knew you had one. Can’t tell them you’ve been battling depression and anxiety together, they wouldn’t understand and well, rant about where them, as parents, went wrong. Maybe parents don’t know parenting, nobody taught them, nobody told them how their, smallest words, affect their child in the worst way possible.

Imagine all of this being said to you, everyday. Everyday, listening to this and you cannot reply. It’s like a war, where you’ve prepared yourself, but put your weapons down, surrender, accept the humiliation and move on.

All of you, makes a me, unfortunately.

Random // Life update.

A random blog.

I know I’m late, but I’ll let this out anyway. Approximately two months ago, I lost someone, a big piece my heart. My grandmother.

She was well, the only grandparent I had, both, maternal and paternal. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you might know how her condition was deteriorating by every second.

My grandmother was bedridden. She was, for the last 6 years. We had a few caretakers over the span of 6 years. Being a typical oldie, she picked up quarrels with all of the caretakers my mom hired, mom and me ended up doing all the work. With being bedridden, she also had Alzheimer’s, clinically accepted and as she just remembered nothing. Paired with Alzheimer’s she also had Parkinson’s. Cutting to the chase, the last meal anyone fed her was me. We were sitting on her bed, where I fed her porrage, considering the fact she shooed away all the caretakers and told them to call me. After I fed her, I made her sleep, patting her head, unaware it would be the last meal she’d ever eat. I sat besides her when she was sleeping, all alone in the house, unaware of the fact I was sitting besides my dead grandmother’s physical body. I had no idea what had happened, she was breathing, but she was brain-dead. My mom came home after two hours, I told her how my grandmother had been sleeping since the last 4 hours. My mom tried to wake her up, shook her, ran a spoon across her foot, tried to wake her up, until the doctors were called in. It was a rainy day, bundled with thundering and lightning, I knew a storm was approaching. It was 1AM, mom was still in the hospital, while I was told to take care of the house like everytime. I slept. I heard some voices when I was asleep, it was mom and all the relatives. I rushed to the other room, the storm, the rains had ended. Mom told me my grandmother passed away, a natural death, in the house itself. We had been taking care of her since 6+ years now. We knew the pain she was in. In the year 2016, she was admitted in the ICU, for 13 times. We knew her pain. We didn’t cry, we bid her goodbye, with a smile on our faces, remembering the strong lady in our hearts, who pulled it off and conquered death since the last 6 years.

Since we’ve completed the last rites and rituals of her, I could hear voices, I had weird dreams. I wasn’t in the state of mind to talk about this, or anything in general. Now I’m in a way better place in my life. I sure miss her, but everything happens for the good.

I’d like to hear from you,




5 years of change.

Goodluck if you thought this blog was how puberty hit me. It isn’t about puberty. The eyes have seen much more. The heart has felt much more. Life is livable now.

It’s been 5 years. It’s been 5 years since I’ve undergone many changes in my life. Mentally, physically, socially, I’ve changed as an individual. I’ve been broken, but I’ve been mending myself as well, better than before. I’ve realised how I needed to change and how I needed to cherish my life, despite having to fight all the odds. I hope life will get better, but I don’t want to ignore the small ray of hope of life getting better. 

5 years ago, I didn’t have friends. I had people around me, who didn’t care as much. People I rarely spoke to, people who never respected my thought processes, people who liked living in a box. How does it feel being surrounded by so many people who oppose you, and you cannot escape? Basically this was my school life in a sentence. I always felt out of place. But eventually life has been considerate with the people I have been interacting with. I’ve got the best group of friends right now, people who understand me and have a similar thought process. Everything makes sense and fits perfectly. Just hang on, better things will come to you. It took me 5 years to leave behind people who were close to me, but were just superficial friends. Trust me and hang on.

The last 5 years have been an emotional ride. I’ve lost many people, been used by people, and been bullied a lot as well. Let’s not forget to sadness which later on, turned into depression. Well it’s been 5 years and I’ve decided to focus on the positives more than the negatives. I have just become emotionally really stronger which will hopefully help me in long run. Every one who left, thank you. I can’t thank you enough.

I had ‘best’ friends. Kinda. Yes I did, but I never knew it wasn’t the best for either of us. It was always one sided, where people eventually left me. It was very superficial and very fake, everything we spoke about was just very lame. Friendship based on needs and ignorance don’t last long. 5 years, no best friend. But then something happened, I texted a guy for help, only if we knew it would turn into something really special. Yes, he is my first best friend, someone I can actually trust on. Just the fact we’ve got each others back, helps alot at times. Well maybe, this is what acceptance​ feels like. This is what meeting the right person after 5 years seems like. 

Don’t do bad to you. If I ever had to give my past self an advice, it would be, don’t do bad to you. Don’t let people inflict any kind of pain on you. Don’t be with people who tell your dreams are out of way and you cannot achieve them. Don’t be with people who don’t find you worth. Don’t let anyone affect you in a negative way.  Don’t let people question your self esteem. Just drift away, slowly, and cherish the one thing you’ll always have, yourself.

These five years have changed me. Happiness is my first priority and I mean it. I just feel free now. Cheers to change. Let’s change and become good human beings, that’s all that matters, at the end of the day.

I’d like to hear from you,